A brand-new piece of paper (okay, let’s be honest with each other from the beginning: a completely empty Word document) is both the most incredible thing ever and the most frightening thing in the world. It could go anywhere. And it is I, in this case, who determines the direction.
So off we go into space!
Ho, wait. That might have been a bit too enthusiastic. Even though that’s a beautiful place, let’s stay on earth for a while. It has its perks too. So, about determining the direction… this kind of has everything to do with why I’m even writing these words right now. Because even though I should be the one in charge of my own life and the direction in which I’m heading, I’m often not. Or I think I’m not. Or I know I am, but I still let matters outside of me take the lead. And this leaves me feeling… quite unsatisfied.
As I’m writing this, I’m 25 years old. Which is very young in my eyes, but old enough to have had some not-so-nice experiences with doing things, often for too long, that suck all the energy out of me. Not just because doing the thing itself takes energy, but mainly because of all the time my mind is worrying about it long before and probably after doing ‘the thing’.
It was only a few years ago that I came to the mind-blowing realization that it’s not normal to feel stressed 24/7. Which is crazy, right?! But that was all I knew: that stress was always there. In the back or in the front seat of my mind. And while experiencing some stress is inevitable (I think?), this is not the healthiest way of living. So please if you’re struggling with stress too (and I feel like more and more people are nowadays): know that’s it’s not okay. And that your head deserves rest.
Which brings me to my decision to start doing exactly that what I feel like doing, even though it’s scary. Not to eliminate stress at all, but because I feel in every bone of my body that I must. That this is what I need to do to feel my happiest self. That this is what I need to do to take care of my mental health. And yes, reducing the stress a notch would not be too bad either. But if I stress, at least it's about something I'm truly passionate about.
How that ‘doing something I’m truly passionate about’ looks lie, I don’t know. He has a vague face, but I’m sure he’ll show himself when the time is right.
What I do know however, is what I want. Not exactly, but kind of. I know I want to spend this life on earth trying to inspire, encourage and entertain. And most of all, I want to create a space both offline and online where everyone in the whole freaking world feels SAFE and GOOD and SEEN. How? First of all, by showing myself from all my vulnerable sides. Because if I don’t, how can I expect others to feel like they can be vulnerable? And secondly, by consciously trying every single day to become more and more open minded. Which… is a process. But one necessary in my eyes to create a safe space.
Something else I want in life, something else I CRAVE, is freedom. I’m sure this word means something different to everyone. For me freedom means making decisions from the heart. Being able to do the work I love, and to do in a way that I think is best. It means making my own decisions. And it also means earning an income with something that I can do (mostly) from anywhere in the world. I daydream daily about exploring planet earth, who has so much to offer us. So YES to working remote from a nice coffee spot in Australia, an Airbnb in Bali and the beaches of South-Afrika. A girl can dream, right?
So now it’s up to me to ‘just’ start doing something
and see where that leads me. Starting this blog is one step, starting YouTube a second, and focusing even more on Instagram a third. I have other ideas and plans too, but let’s see which ones will stick and which ones will pass. I find all this pretty terrifying, especially since I'm sharing so much online. Me, myself, and my feelings out in the open. In the arena. There are days where I want to step out of the arena (search on 'the man in the arena' if you don't know what I'm talking about :). Days where I want to lay under a big pile of blankets and delete all I ever shared. But I guess that's part of it. The doubt. The self-doubt, especially. I'm starting to realize though that by continuing to do what I always did, I'm not getting where I want. So here we go, right through the fear. Dream life? Is that you on the other side?
I hope you’re coming along on this journey with me. Know that I always enjoy and am open to hearing about your journey too. Let’s make it a vibrant one full of love and warmth.
Love,
Lobke